Independent Domestic Abuse Service (IDAS) is the largest specialist domestic abuse service in Yorkshire. They are working quickly to adapt to the rapidly changing circumstances.
IDAS support anyone affected by domestic abuse, providing lifesaving support including refuge accommodation, outreach services and a helpline. IDAS are determined to keep their refuges and helplines running in these immensely difficult times,
For many people who are afraid of their partner and may be faced with being isolated with them for long periods of time, this is an additional risk factor.
If you are facing isolation with an abusive person, IDAS offer some safety planning advice on their website. In addition, you could consider the following:
✅ Get a spare phone and store emergency contact numbers in it and hide it in a safe place or with a trusted person
✅ Familiarise yourself with the Silent Solution for calling the Police in an emergency when you can not speak
✅ Keep your ID documents, emergency funds, bank cards and children’s birth certificates to hand
✅ Speak to your neighbours and ask them to ring the police if they hear or see anything
✅ Set up safe words or signs with friends so they know to call for help on your behalf
✅ Plan to check in with people regularly so that they can raise the alarm if they don’t hear from you
✅ Plan to escape to the garden or to a room that you can exit from easily if abusive behaviour escalates
✅ Avoid rooms where there could be weapons if the abusive behaviour escalates
Familiarise yourself with The Silent Solution system. This is a system for victims of domestic abuse who might be afraid of further danger and escalation of harm if they are overheard when calling 999 in an emergency.
When somebody calls 999, an operator will ask which emergency service is required. If you are not able to ask for help, your call will be forwarded to a police system and you will hear an automated message.
If 55 is pressed by the caller, the system will detect this. The operator will then transfer the call to the relevant police force as an emergency. Click here to find out more.
Women’s Aid is a national organisation that also provides support. The Women’s Aid website has links to Live Chat, information, support services and details of helplines can be found below and on the Women’s Aid website.
✅ The Survivors’ Forum is an online resource for survivors of domestic abuse. The Survivors’ forum can be accessed 24/7. This is a place where survivors can support each other and share their experiences.
✅ Women’s Aid Live Chat is currently available Monday to Friday 10- 12pm. This could be a safer way to access some support; particularly if an abuser might also be in the property so it would be unsafe to make a telephone call.
✅ Women’s Aid Email Service is still operating and can also provide support.
✅ Detailed information about national and local support services Women’s Aid offer can be found here on their website.
✅ For details of helplines, go to Gov.uk/report-domestic-abuse
✅ Women’s Aid always want to encourage a survivor to be as safe as possible when accessing any form of support. It will be really important to familiarise yourself with information and guidance that will help to keep you as safe as possible when using online platforms.
✅ Looking after children can be particularly difficult challenging when isolating. Family lives have support available including online forums
✅ If you were accessing counselling that has now been suspended; some counselling services can continue to provide helpline support. For example, Supportline provides a confidential telephone helpline and email counselling service. Particularly to those at risk of abuse or are isolated.
IDAS provides the following advice for friends, neighbours or family members concerned about someone they know:
East Riding of Yorkshire Council is offering advice and support to parents who may feel their child is affected by bullying.
Bullying can have a negative impact on a young person’s work, health, self esteem and confidence. It can take many forms including physical, emotional and even text and internet bullying. Often parents and family members are the first to spot signs that their child is being bullied.
Bullying is usually defined as repeated behaviour which is intended to hurt someone either emotionally or physically, and is often aimed at certain people because of their race, religion, gender or sexual orientation or any other aspect such as appearance or disability.
What should parents look out for?
The type of behaviour that might be an indication of bullying includes:
– A reluctance to go to school
– Unexplained tummy upsets or headaches
– Showing signs of distress on a Sunday night or at the end of school holidays
– Becoming either quiet or withdrawn, or playing up
– Torn clothes and missing belongings
– Seeming upset after using their phone, tablets, computers etc.
– Wanting to leave for school much earlier than necessary or returning home late.
Bullying can have an impact on a child’s mental health so if your child is showing signs of serious distress – such as depression, anxiety and self harm always see a GP.
What can parents do to help?
Listen, be calm and provide reassurance that the situation can get better when action is taken.
– Listen and reassure your child that coming to you was the right thing to do
– Assure them that the bullying is not their fault and that they have family that will support them
– Don’t encourage retaliation to bullying – such as violent actions. Rather suggest they walk away and seek help
– Find out what your child wants to happen next. Help to identify the choices available to them
– Encourage your child to get involved in activities that build their confidence and esteem
– Discuss the situation with your child’s teacher or head teacher – or the lead adult wherever the bullying is taking place.
Bear in mind many children do not tell their parents because they are frightened that they will approach the school about the matter, make a fuss and make things worse, so it is a good idea to ask your child what they think could be done to stop the bullying.
Every child has the right to a safe environment in which to learn and play.
Lindsay Shelbourn, public health lead for mental health and suicide prevention, said: “Bullying can have devastating effects which can last into adulthood. Children who are bullied are at greater risk of developing mental health problems and in some cases it can lead to self-harm.
“As a parent or carer you may have concerns your child is being bullied. The most important thing you can do is to listen and provide reassurance. Take a look at the Anti-Bullying Alliance interactive anti-bullying tool for information on bullying.”
Bullying can happen anywhere; at school, travelling to and from school, in sporting teams, between neighbours or in the workplace. It’s not acceptable and if you feel affected by bullying you can visit www.anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk
*Special thanks to East Riding Council for this content*
For general information visit www.eastriding.gov.uk
A confidential online chat facility has been launched by East Riding of Yorkshire Council to give those who may be suffering from domestic abuse another way of accessing help.
The web chat has been set up by the council’s domestic violence and abuse partnership and gives those experiencing, or at risk of, domestic abuse the chance to speak directly to an independent domestic abuse advocate.
The service is available between 10am and 2pm Monday to Friday via www.eastriding.gov.uk/domesticabuse and when the web chat is available a “live chat” pop up box will be visible.
Councillor John Dennis, portfolio holder for community involvement and council corporate services at East Riding of Yorkshire Council said: “The council is very much aware that the lockdown due to the COVID-19 pandemic has been incredibly difficult for those experiencing, or at risk of, domestic abuse and accessing the right help and support has been extremely hard.
“Victims may be in isolation or struggling to access support due to the lockdown or perhaps the perpetrator is in the home still therefore making access to help and support over the telephone almost impossible.
“This service will provide another route to reaching out and talking to a specially trained professional in confidence and being signposted to the help they may need.”
* Anyone who is suffering from domestic abuse and is in immediate danger should contact the police on 999 immediately.
For more information and advice about domestic abuse and a link to charities and helplines go to www.eastriding.gov.uk/domesticabuse
Here at STAG Mumbler, we are always keen to hear your recommendations of great weekly classes and groups. If you have any suggestions, simply drop us an email telling us all about it at firstname.lastname@example.org
We want to hear from people who could make a difference to the lives of children and young people across the county.
Fostering North Yorkshire is your local fostering service, and we’ve been supporting families across the county for over 35 years. We’re part of North Yorkshire County Council and our foster carers look after over 300 children a year. The foster carers come from a wide range of backgrounds and family make-up, but what they all have in common is their desire to provide a secure and welcoming home for some of the county’s most vulnerable children.
In return we offer the best training available and competitive financial packages with generous tax free allowances for each child or young person you foster. And we’re there whenever you need us, 24/7, 365 days a year.
Contact us at Fostering North Yorkshire
Phone: 01609 534654
Fostering Siblings is an amazing way of keeping brothers and sisters together. When a child comes into foster care, it can be a very difficult time, often made worse if they are separated from their siblings.
Here at Fostering North Yorkshire we know how important it is to keep brothers and sisters together, while providing them with a safe, loving and nurturing environment.
If you think you could you make a difference to the lives of local children we’d love to hear from you – we need foster carers for sibling groups right now – and there are also opportunities for other types of fostering, too.
We’ll make sure you have the right training and support to help you turn young lives like theirs around, plus of course there’ll be generous tax free payments and allowances for every night you foster.
So start your fostering journey now www.northyorks.gov.uk/fostering
Or call 01609 534654 to speak to a member of the team
Fostering North Yorkshire – Making a difference that lasts a lifetime
PPP aims to support parents who have children with additional needs.
We provide a voice for parents and are keen to ensure services are developed across Selby district to meet the needs of families in the area.
PPP has a steering group made up of parents and is supported by Selby
District AVS, Bee Able, Ryedale Special Families, North Yorkshire County
Council and Beech Tree Surgery.
We hold a weekly parent’s coffee morning every Friday from 10.30am – 12.30pm at Brayton Community Centre. This provides an opportunity to meet other parents, members of the PPP steering group and a range of different professionals. During school holidays, there is a free creche facility where children can take part in various fun activities, this is facilitated by Bee-Able staff.
Sands is the stillbirth and neonatal death charity. Founded in 1978, Sands exists to reduce the number of babies dying and to ensure that anyone affected by the death of a baby receives the best possible care and support for as long as they need it wherever they are in the UK.
Sands works to reduce the number of babies dying and to better understand the causes of baby deaths. Sands works with governments and other organisations to drive change and raise awareness of the issues relating to baby loss.
Sands provides bereavement support services at both a local and national level. These include the Sands Freephone helpline, mobile app, online community, family support packs, memory boxes and over 100 regional support groups run by trained befrienders.
Sands works to improve bereavement care available to parents and families, by offering a range of training programmes and resources and working in partnership with health care professionals, trusts and health boards.
Selby North children’s centre is on the site of Selby Community Primary School, Flaxley Road, Selby. The children’s centre is within walking distance of the town centre.
Parking at the centre is for staff only. There is on-street parking in local streets around the centre. The building is easily accessible to all. Selby North children’s centre is on one level and accessible toilets and baby change facilities are available.
Monday, 8.30am to 4.30pm
Tuesday, 8.30am to 4.30pm
Wednesday, 8.30am to 4.30pm
Thursday, 8.30am to 4.30pm
Friday, 8.30am to 4pm
Selby North children’s centre, Flaxley Road, Selby, North Yorkshire, YO8 4DL
Selby South children’s centre is situated in the grounds of Barwic Parade School, Barwic Parade, Selby. On-street parking is available close by the centre.
Selby South children’s centre is on one level and accessible toilets and baby change facilities are available.
Monday, 8.30am to 4.30pm
Tuesday, 8.30am to 4.30pm
Wednesday, 8.30am to 4.30pm
Thursday, 8.30am to 4.30pm
Friday, 8.30am to 4pm
Selby South children’s centre, Barwic Parade, Selby, North Yorkshire, YO8 8DJ
Sherburn Children’s Centre is a satellite site and is attached to the Sherburn library which is situated behind a parade of shops on Finkle Hill.
There is no parking available at the children’s centre but there are parking spaces in the village. There is also short stay car parking in the Co-Op store for a maximum of two hours. Please ensure you take care in coming to and from both centres. Be aware of cars passing quickly and a build-up of incoming and outgoing traffic during school drop off and pick up times.
Opening hours: We are open for scheduled sessions only.
c/o Sherburn Library, Finkle Hill, Sherburn-in-Elmet, LS25 6EA
For information please call Brotherton children’s centre on 01609 534720.
The Manor Farm site is fully accessible with services being located at ground level. Parking is available to the rear of the building. All centres are easily accessible for all users. All the centres are on one level and accessible toilets and baby change facilities are available.
Opening hours: We are open for scheduled sessions only.
Tadcaster Youth Centre, Manor Farm Estate, St Joseph’s Street, Tadcaster, LS24 9HA
For information please call Brotherton children’s centre on 01609 534720.
Unique Friends are a not for profit organisation that provide activities, support, and information to children and young adults with Special Educational Needs and Disabilities aged 0-25 and their families. We are based in Goole and welcome families who are local and from the surrounding areas of Yorkshire.
Allergy UK is the leading national charity providing support, advice and information for those living with allergic disease.
‘Helping families raising disabled or seriously ill children across the UK.
We can help families raising disabled or seriously ill children and young people from birth to 17 years old. Young people who are 16 or 17 can apply fora grant themselves. We accept one application per household, every 12 months subject to eligibility and funding. Our website gives details on our eligibility criteria, how to apply and you can download an application form direct.
T: 01904 550055
‘The FIS is here to support YOU! We provide comprehensive, up to date information and advice on all services for children, young people and families in North Yorkshire. This could include information about childcare and childcare costs or support for your family. Our service is available for parents and carers of children 0-19 and for young people with additional needs up to the age of 25.
We can help you with –
T: 01609 533 483
Coeliac Parenting – Managing Child Care & Education
Child Care and Education : Managing Your Coeliac Child’s Dietary and Health Needs
Welcome to the Facebook community groups for families touched by special educational / health / disability needs. Our aim is to provide information sharing and also support you all.
Relationship Matters is a new partnership which offers information, tips and advice on how to overcome tensions, remain calm and where you can go to get further help.
The COVID-19 restrictions have led to big changes in the way people lead their everyday lives, and the new website www.relationshipmatters.org.uk is aimed at people in relationships where things are mostly respectful, equal and cooperative but they are experiencing difficulties.
Relationship Matters aims to help everyone recognise the signs where conflict may be having an impact on families and children
Are you arguing, rowing, or shouting about things like money, how you parent or housework?
Are you worried about splitting up?
Is there sulking, silent treatment, slamming doors or walking away from each other?
Are you anxious or worried, which is getting in the way of managing everyday life?
Are you not able to say sorry after an argument and move on?
Are you using hurtful texts, emails or social media against each other?
Covid-19 has forced us all to re-evaluate routines, responsibilities and ways of life and this has left many of us struggling to cope.
As with all stresses, the current situation is a real test to our relationships and for those who were already experiencing difficulties this could have made things 100% worse.
With that in mind I’d like to offer some advice that can support you to better communicate with your partner and ease some of the tension you may be experiencing.
The word communication is something we hear a lot, we communicate everyday of our lives in some way or another but many of us don’t do it particularly well. To communicate effectively we have to take account of who we are speaking to, the message we want to get across and the intended result.
Let’s look at a common example of communication:
Imagine arriving home after a busy day to find a sink full of dishes and your partner asleep on the sofa. What do you do? There is a good chance you will be upset, you may shout, slam things around, loudly tell them how tired you are and that you don’t expect to come home to this or you may go quiet and not talk at all. There are a million possibilities. Now this reaction may appear justified, it could be a scenario you are faced with over and over but what you need to ask yourself is, am I getting the result I want from this communication?
We all have bad days, we all have a right to be annoyed but the way we communicate that annoyance hugely affects whether it is dealt with and overcome or ignored and increased.
So let’s look at another example:
Imagine you have to confront an employee who is consistently late for work. You know in order to get the right result, and not be sued for gross misconduct, you will have to be prepared to hold a professional conversation. You will choose your words carefully, monitor your tone of voice, your facial expressions and reactions and be prepared to listen to your employee. By doing this there is a better chance you will find a solution that both supports your employee and ensures they can arrive at work on time.
Now, I know there are a lot of differing factors here, but the message remains the same. If you adapt the way you communicate to fit the result you want, there is a much better chance of getting it and working towards a solution that benefits you both.
Below are 3 things that I believe are hugely important when communicating effectively with your partner.
When you are in a relationship, there are 2 people, 2 opinions, 2 ways of reasoning and 2 people who want to be right. So how do you get your point across and achieve the result you want?
Well the fact is, you may not get the result you want, but you can probably reach a compromise that makes you both happy. You can start by listening to your partner, a healthy conversation remains calm, controlled and allows space for each person to speak freely. This means giving them time to talk, avoid talking over them, turning away from them, standing over them or shaking your head while they speak. There is plenty of time for you both to have your say, what is vital here is that you both feel heard and if your partner feels listened to, they are much more likely to listen to you.
When you are faced with yet another argument and you feel the usual drain of energy, it’s really easy to lay blame. You may have tried to have the conversation with your partner a million times and find yourself never reaching a conclusion. You know you’re right, they’ve done this not you. Why won’t they listen?
This line of thinking will get you nowhere, I reiterate ‘you both have your own opinions, thoughts and reasoning’. Maybe you are right and your partner is not reacting as you think they should but the way you’re communicating is not helping to change it. Try to re-word what you are saying, take responsibility for your feeling and thoughts and try not to push these onto your partner.
For example, you may say:
“You never listen to me I have to do everything while you sit and roll your eyes, you don’t care about me”.
Ok, this is how you feel however, saying it like this is like sending flaming arrows aimed straight at your partner’s head. They will instantly put up their own defences and….. defend themselves because it’s human nature to defend ourselves when we are attacked.
Instead you need to explain to your partner how you feel, like this:
“I don’t feel like you are hearing me when I talk to you and I don’t feel like you understand what it does to me and how upset it makes me. I would feel more supported if you could……….”
By re wording what you want to say you’re still expressing your feelings and sending the same message but you’ve taken away the blame and thus taken away the flying arrows allowing your partner to hear you without the risk of feeling attacked.
All too often we use our body language and our expressions to relay a message to our partner that we think they should understand and more so, react in the way we want them to. How many times has your partner done something that annoys you, to which you have sighed loudly, then when asked “what is wrong?” you reply, “nothing”?
I know it can be really frustrating when someone does or says something flippantly when they should know you won’t like it. However, if you don’t tell clearly them, you’re not giving them a chance to acknowledge it and make it right. Avoid sighing, muttering under your breathe and rolling your eyes, by not stating your feelings clearly you are expecting them to guess and as they’re not you, the chances they will get it wrong are very high.
Not only is this not fair to them, it’s not fair to you because ultimately your needs will not be met and you will both suffer. Stop playing these games, talk to your partner, explain your feelings. It may not be the right time at that moment but try and stop yourself reacting in this way. Wait until there is a time you can talk and then broach the subject in a calm and responsible way with the aim of getting a calm and responsible reaction.
Adjusting our style of communication, greatly supports the messages we send and the reactions we get back. A relationship should not be a war; it should not be a game of who is right or who is wrong it should be a mutual existence where you both work together to make each other happy.
In light of this better communication style there maybe areas of your life that you feel you haven’t talked about enough.
Below are some helpful conversations and suggestions you could find useful:
Having children and becoming a family is a common occurrence and there is a lot of help on hand to support you through and offer advice about what to do, what to expect and the roles you should play. Individually however, we all have our own idea of parenthood and what that looks like. It is all too common for people to travel through these ‘normal’ life transitions without actually stopping to take account of what it is we actually think, want and need from the experience.
When it comes to having children and creating a family it’s really important to remember that there are 2 people involved, each with their own set of experiences that help to create their own expectations of what a parent and family should look like.
Have you ever had that conversation with your partner?
There are literally hundreds of questions you should ask and they’re all important questions that are often assumed and taken for granted. Yet all too often we feel hurt, angry and let down when our partner does not complete them as we expect or fails to acknowledge what we want.
When you start a new job all of these questions are answered and discussed at length. Your manager will have regular catch ups and reviews to ensure you are coping ok and are happy with your responsibilities, he/she will enquire as to whether more help or support is needed. If we don’t have this communication in our working life we would seriously consider leaving the role, or seeking external help.
So why when we embrace the very important job of parent, are we not having the same discussions?
The current situation has caused chaos for many and thrown normal routines and patterns into the air, leaving us with a mess of responsibilities, expectations and confusion. Some people may be pleasantly surprised, they may have experienced their partner take on different responsibilities naturally, their old assumptions that their partner was not interested or capable in some areas of parenting may have been disproved. For others their expectations may well have been confirmed.
The key words to take into account here are ‘assumptions’ and ‘expectations’. We are all human, we all make assumptions and we all have expectations but similarly we can’t read minds, or at least the majority of us can’t. If you haven’t already, talk to your partner, have these discussions and allow each other the time and space to be heard. Whether your child is on the way, 1-year-old or 15 years old, it is never too late.
No one enjoys having a difficult conversation but unfortunately at times they need to be had. Below are a few things you can do to make these conversations easier to tackle.
This brings me to the end of my blog for today where I have shared with you some tips to create better communication between yourself and your partner which, I hope help you in strengthening your relationship. However, sometimes couples do need more support and in this case there is advice and help available. Please visit my website, blog and Facebook page for more advice and information and if you would like to consider relationship counselling please feel free to contact me.
This is not a sponsored advertising blog, instead a free partnership between JHR Counselling and STAG Mumbler designed to offer advice and support to parents during this challenging time.
‘Working together with Parents and carers of children with SEND (0-16) and young people with SEND (16-25). Special Educational Needs and/or Disabilities Information, Advice and Support Service.
We are a small team located across North Yorkshire, all professionally qualified and with a significant level of SEND legal training for 0-25 years old. When contacting the SENDIASS advice line by telephone or email a Coordinator will assess and identify with you what is needed, then offer relevant SEND information, advice and support.
This is a private closed group for independent professional mums, to come together to socialise, laugh and to support each other.
We organise nights out without our children, and meetups with children. Please only ask to join if you are : female, have a child/children, and independent, ie not with a partner.
We investigate foods to such a level the FBI would be proud of us!
We are constantly on guard, watching everything around us so we can pre-empt any issues!
We prep and pre-make foods for gatherings/ parties/ days out so our little ones never miss out!
Often, this is all whilst holding down a job, doing the housework, being a good partner, and a good mum to our other children, with little time given to ourselves.
It is truly exhausting! Hands up who constantly feels emotionally drained 🙋♀️
We are so good at juggling everything, people assume we can take everything in our stride and just deal with whatever life throws at us.
The reality is so different!
For all of you who have cried whilst in the shower so no-one else could see your fears and hear your pain…
For those of you trying to find a solution and wondering if it’ll ever improve…
For those of you who stay up til stupid o clock baking for the school cake sale you found out about at the very last minute and don’t want your child missing out…
For those of you fearful of sending your child to nursery or school because you don’t know if they’ll be on alert and watching like you do…
For those of you who can’t stop the sadness in your child’s eyes as you have to say no because a food isn’t safe…
For those of you who worry about older siblings not getting enough of your time….
For those of you who never seem to catch a break no matter what you try, and wondering if it will ever get better….
I hear you!
Please, reach out here…. To ask for help, to talk, for a listening ear, for a shoulder to cry on, I ‘get it’!
And I want you to know:
You ARE amazing!
You ARE doing an incredible job!
Your children and family are so LUCKY to have you supporting them!
You ARE enough!
Much love to you all 😘💞
Extract from the TIG Facebook Page, February 2020
We offer confidential bereavement support to anyone affected by the sudden and unexpected death of a baby or young child.
Our bereavement support helpline
If you would like the opportunity to talk freely, for as long as required, with a sympathetic and understanding listener please call our bereavement support helpline on 0808 802 6868 or email email@example.com.
Calls to our helpline are free from all landlines and most mobile phone networks. The helpline is open 10am-5pm from Monday to Friday and 6pm-10pm on weekends and public holidays.
Treasure Chest volunteer peer supporters can be found at weekly support groups based in Haxby (Mondays), Tang Hall (Tuesdays), Lidgett Grove in Acomb (Wednesdays) and Knavesmire (Thursdays). There is also a breastfeeding counsellor/IBCLC drop in group on a Friday morning in Dringhouses. Exact times and locations of all the groups can be found on our website here: WEBSITE
Copyright 2021 Selby, Tadcaster and Goole Mumbler
Your Local Parenting Community
Made with by Wonder Media